As I sit here, trying to share advice on living life as your most authentic self, I’m fighting the urge to include a million disclaimers. I’m fighting the little voice in my head telling me I’m not good enough, that I’m in no position to give anyone advice on living an authentic life because it’s something I struggle with myself every single day.

But I’m going to do it anyway because I’m tired of reading about how people had an awakening, completely changed their life and embraced authenticity all in less than 7 days. Truly, I’m happy for them.

I admire anyone who can make such a dramatic change and stick to it. But sometimes, those stories leave me feeling like I’m not enough. As though my progress isn’t enough and I’m failing at being myself.

Ridiculous, right?

So, before we get into this, I want to let everyone know that I’m just walking the path to becoming my most authentic self. It’s a journey and for me it’s been a lengthy one. But I’ve learnt a lot and I’ve come a long way and there’s value in sharing that.

an authentic life is a journey

One of the hardest, yet most important, lessons a person will learn in their life is how to embrace their authentic self. How to live and interact with the world without pretense, fear, and assumptions.

This is not a simple thing to do. For years, I woke up, put on a mask and acted exactly how people expected me to. I was a character, a shell of myself. I worried about what people would think if I stopped hiding behind that mask and started living as the person I rarely let anyone see.

Taking that mask off was one of the most vulnerable things I ever did. I did not know how people would respond. Would I lose friends? Respect? Would people think my true self, this ‘new’ version of me that few had ever seen?

Those fears held me back for a long time – until the universe gave me a very clear sign that something had to change. The mask I was wearing was unsustainable. I was burnt out, exhausted, struggling with depression and anxiety I was too proud to get help for.

I knew something big needed to change.

Like any millennial, I turned to Google. I didn’t know what I was looking for and I don’t remember exactly what I searched, but this just might be the one time I can honestly say I’m thankful for their often creepy and invasive technology. That was when I took the first step to becoming a newer, more authentic version of myself.

It didn’t happen overnight. It’s something I still struggle with and probably always will, but everyday I wake up as a newer, more authentic version of myself. Every day, I get more comfortable living without the mask that protected me for so long. I stopped letting other people define me, letting my fear of what others might think control my decisions.

Here are some things that helped me on this journey, and maybe they’ll help you too.

4 ways to live authentically

10 years ago I made myself the priority. I embraced my unique gifts and started this website knowing it was the path I needed to be on. I bought crystals; I chanted through meditations; I fostered a life of gratitude and even took up yoga.

Through all of this, I learnt more and more about myself; I saw the person I had kept deeply hidden from the world and even myself for most of my life.

This wasn’t a comfortable process, but it was the catalyst I needed to love myself again, to embrace my truth and start living as my authentic self. As I started learning more and more about who I was and not who people expected me to be I realized how easy it suddenly was to love myself, to practice self care and treat myself with the kindness and compassion I had been missing for so many years.

Suddenly I couldn’t imagine being anyone but myself.

That’s not to say this was easy, it truly wasn’t. I fumbled more than I care to share. There were times being myself didn’t feel like enough. Truth be told, I will probably always struggle with the belief that I have to be a better version of myself in order to be worthy of all the gifts the universe has given to me.

forget perfectionism

I know as well as anyone that this is easier said than done. Fighting perfectionism is something I struggle with every single day.

It is also enemy number 1 when it comes to being authentic. Having spent most of my life striving for perfection, I can say with the utmost certainty that it is unachievable. It makes you unrelatable; it kills your confidence.

Chasing perfection teaches you that nothing is ever good enough. You are never good enough.

Perfectionism holds us back in every aspect of our lives. How many opportunities have I lost trying to come up with the “perfect response,” trying to build the “perfect website,” or write the “perfect blog post”? Speaking for myself, I have literally hundreds of draft blog posts that just don’t seem good enough to share.

It’s those thoughts that hold us back. They keep us stuck, immobilized, and unable to move forward.

Hiding those things doesn’t help me. It’s not authentic. Worse than that, it means someone who might need to read the things I write will not get the opportunity.

What I’ve learnt in this journey is that no one cares about perfection. No one relates to perfection. Connection, healing and authenticity come from vulnerability – from giving yourself permission to make mistakes, to laugh at yourself and try again.

forget the ‘shoulds’

I spent years overwhelmed by the things I thought I should do.

I should eat better… I should work out more… I should be more productive at work… I should have a cleaner house…

Think about it for a minute. How many times a day do you take action because you should, not because you want to, or because you need to but because you should?

How much time and energy do you use every day doing things simply because you should?

Not that’s not a valid reason for doing things. But the problem with these “should’s” is how rarely they actually reflect our own thoughts, desires and beliefs.

Mostly, “should’s” come from someone else. Often they aren’t consistent with our soul’s desire and don’t help us on our journey to live the life we most want.

A little trick to employ before you dedicate your valuable time and energy to things you think you should do is to ask yourself if it’s something you really want or need to do. Is it something that will make your soul happy? The answers to those questions will help you decide how to respond the ever increasing list of things we should do.

write your own rules

Give yourself permission to stop following the rules and doing things because they’re expected. You’re not here to live up to anyone else’s expectations. The universe has much bigger plans for you.

Take your power back and choose things that bring you joy. You may say no, you’re allowed to suggest an alternative, and you’re allowed to change your mind.

Pushing the rules aside has implications in all areas of our life, from friendships, to budgeting, to business and dating. Let go of the idea that things have to be a certain way. Embrace the unknown, be you, be unpredictable and unapologetic, go with the flow and trust the universe to bless you with connection and abundance in all things.

There is no right or wrong with authenticity. There is no right or wrong way to be yourself. You are the only person in the world who can do that, and believe me when I say you are more than enough.

let people see the real you

Real is messy, it’s imperfect, it makes mistakes. It’s vulnerable and scary. For some of us, myself included, we have spent most of our life feeling like the authentic version of us would never be enough. Living an authentic life means pushing all of that aside.

A few years ago, I was at a conference for my day job and the stars aligned just right; I was comfortable with those people and I let my guard down. For the first time in most of my life, I let people see the real me – vulnerable, anxious, funny, depressed, all of it.

Guess what? They embraced ALL of me, flaws and all. These people have become some of my closest friends. Likely because I know I don’t have to hide from them.

Having spent most of my life fighting to keep parts of my personality hidden, I was exhausted and weighed down by all the pressure I put on myself. Letting my true self shine and realizing that people like me, was liberating.

I’m not perfect, but I’m so much better than I was and so much happier because of it. Attempting to wake up every morning and deciding to go about my day as the authentic version of myself is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

are you ready to live an authentic life?

It’s a journey, and it’s going to take some time. You’re going to be scared. You’re going to have so many raw and vulnerable moments.

But it is so worth it.

Do you already live an authentic life? Let me know what has made the journey easier for you.

Ready to live a more authentic life? Tell me about the first step you’re going to take on that journey. I can’t wait to cheer you on.